We are responsible for all of the decisions we make, even those that we do not make consciously. I’m not sure where I originally heard this this, but it deeply resonated with me. As we navigate life, we often find ourselves making countless minor decisions daily, typically on autopilot- that’s to say not conscious of what it is we are doing. This default mode will repeat familiar patterns, accumulating habits whose consequences we then will later face. Autopilot is what traps us in cycles that seem impossible to break. Recognizing is the first step to overcoming these cycles.
Throughout much of my twenties, my autopilot was set to travel. In high school, my dream was to fill my passport with stamps—a dream I proudly achieved. Traveling exposed aspects of myself that would have remained unknown had I stayed in my small hometown on the shores of Lake Erie. My autopilot pushed me to avoid boredom by constantly seeking new and exciting experiences, whether exploring a new country, switching jobs, or picking up new hobbies. However, this relentless pursuit of novelty left me more confused than ever. Each time life presented challenges, I instinctively moved on to the next big thing.
Falling into autopilot is easy and most of the time, unnoticed. You might find yourself lost in the endless scroll of social media, where hours disappear without a trace. Or maybe you’ve felt the pull of impulse shopping, buying things you don’t need just to soothe some inner discomfort. Or maybe it’s one of those relationships that we maintain but not because they bring us joy, but because we feel we “must.” Or perhaps it’s the relentless climb up the career ladder—chasing the next promotion not out of genuine desire, but because it feels like the “thing to do.” Checking off boxes on a list that somebody else wrote for you.
The Turning Point: Choosing Intention Over Habit
After two years of living out of a backpack, a minor booking error on a train ticket became the straw that broke the camel’s back for me to having a meltdown. This incident made me realize I didn’t want to wander mindlessly from place to place until I died, chasing the next thrill. I didn’t want to die as a solo traveler. I craved change. Travel had become a pursuit of external experiences that, while enriching, ultimately left me feeling disconnected from myself. On a train from Rome to Trieste, I suddenly understood that I didn’t know why I was constantly seeking new places or people, or why I couldn’t stay still, or what I was really looking for. Had all this time spent globetrotting been in vain? I realized that no matter what city or country I visited, each felt the same, and it was me that needed to change.
Six months later, I still hadn’t acted on this realization; I traveled to five more countries until finally, the pandemic halted the only consistency in my life—I could no longer be a traveler. Confined to the yard of my brother’s home in Ohio, I found a way to travel- the journey inward, getting to know myself better and understanding my autopilots and impulses.
Embracing Journaling: A Tool for Self-Awareness and Transformation
I had always tried to journal during my travels to capture my experiences. Sometimes I succeeded, but often I was too overstimulated to focus. Sitting at my brother’s table, I realized I didn’t understand why I was there, of all places, back in the flyover state of Ohio. So, I wrote down that question, along with any others that came to mind. Some were straightforward; others were complex. I penned 50 questions to myself. These questions acted as writing prompts for the next month and a half, guiding my journaling and helping me explore my inner world. These questions helped me understand why I defaulted to fleeing from conflict instead of facing it, why I perceived scarcity where there was abundance; describing the world around me helped me understand my place in it. Journaling uncovered dreams I had not dared to voice, strengths I had overlooked, and moments when my ego overtook my better judgment. Here, I realized why I loved travel so much—and that instead of using it to escape, I needed to use it for connection. My journal became a mirror, reflecting the multifaceted dimensions of my personality, a place to confront vulnerabilities and celebrate growth.
If you’re considering journaling to better understand yourself and your motivations, getting started is quite simple. Any notebook and pen will do—sit down, and try to get quiet with yourself. Let your thoughts flow from your mind to your paper, and try not to filter your thoughts; it’s ok if what you write doesn’t make sense. In the day and age of autocorrect, you will make spelling mistakes. It might be a bit strange at first until you get into the groove. Maybe you can start by listing questions you have for yourself, writing a letter to your 15-year-old self to express pride, or simply jotting down the current happenings of your life, the monotony, what’s on your table beside you, or the things that feel that can’t be discussed with others. More than anything, journaling lets you make a space for reflection on whatever occupies your thoughts; this is why it’s one of the ultimate tools for self improvement.
In case your not sure where to start, here are some journal prompts that I’ve recently done that have been very challenging to write out but rewarding in what they revealed to me:
- Living Your Dream Life: Reflecting on the Unchangeable and the Ideal: Think about your current routine, family duties, educational demands, and work commitments. Now with all of those things in mind, what does your perfect week look like? What’s getting in the way from that ideal week to happen?
- Understanding Desire Through Envy: Julia Cameron says that envy acts as a compass—it reveals our desires and pushes us towards action. Who or what do you find yourself envying? Delve into why this might be and how it reflects your underlying ambitions.
- Sacred Spaces: Uncovering Places of Personal Significance Think about a place that understands you as intimately as a close friend. Describe this location and how you feel when you are there. What are the secrets it knows about you?
- Your Sidekicks in Your Personal Legend: Suppose your life is a superhero movie; Who are your epic sidekicks? What qualities do they possess that you don’t have, but you need to defeat the villain? Do you have friends or acquaintances who have these qualities that can support you in your actual life?
Until next time,
Ross
